Why I Support the State's Goal of Reunification

When it comes to children in foster care, the state's ultimate goal in every situation is family reunification. This may not always be possible, but they want to try to give every family a chance to get to a place where they can be reunited.

This might seem like the opposite goal of someone becoming dual licensed for foster and adoption. I mean, you're wanting to adopt a child, so why do you want them to go back to their biological family, right? That was my thinking before Sterling and I started this process.

You hear it all the time, "Our foster care system is broken." There is so much brokenness in foster care. In order for a child to enter your home, a family has been broken. The parents are in a place where they are broken. Your hearts are constantly being broken through the rollercoaster that accompanies this foster life. And, even if I get to adopt, a piece of my heart will still hurt because I know a family had to be broken for mine to grow. I will still celebrate that my son or daughter will have a forever family, but in the back of my mind, I know there is a family with a piece missing. This is one reason why I support family reunification. I want to know that at the end of the day, I did everything possible to support that family in every opportunity to get their child back.

This is why Sterling and I write letters to Little Man's family members and send pictures and crafts. We want them to be encouraged that this is why they are working so hard - to get to be in their child's life forever.

You may be thinking we are saints or totally crazy. One, we are not saints. We both deal with days of serious frustration. Why can't they just get better? Don't they care? Or we also deal with days where we can't imagine saying goodbye to our little guy. Just the other night I was almost brought to tears thinking about Little Man possibly saying "Bye bye. Love you" and blowing me a kiss for the last time. So no, we're not saints. I read a scripture passage the other day that made me realize why Sterling and I support Little Man's biological parents and the system's ultimate goal.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? [...] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6: 31-36

If for some reason I found myself in the same situation as Little Man's parents, how would I want to be treated? I would hope that someone would support me in my healing process and write me notes about my child and send pictures. Even if the biological family doesn't reciprocate this act of love, it doesn't matter. I'm called to love them and treat them how I would want to be treated. I am called to have mercy toward them. What better way to fulfill this verse than stand in support of the state's goal of reunification?

Now obviously, we still want the child to return to a safe environment. We aren't supporting this goal blindly. But, as foster parents, one of our jobs is to be an advocate for the child, and we speak up to attorneys or CPS if we feel there is a glaring red flag they should know about. We are all working toward the same goal: keeping the child safe and getting them back to a healthy home.

While Sterling and I both want to adopt a child one day, we are still supporting the children in our home going back to their families if it is a safe environment.

What I've Learned Since I Became a Foster Parent

It's hard to believe it has almost been 6 months that we've had Little Man in our house. There has been a lot of learning on both Sterling and my part. Not only did we become first time parents, but we had to learn a whole judicial process, CPS process, oh and did I mention parenting a toddler?! Of course I have learned a lot in these past 6 months, but I wanted to share you some of the things I've learned that are closer to my heart (other than crackers can solve most troubles and if you've been to the DMV you've had a glimpse into life with the government).



First, I've learned that the relationship between you and a foster child is such a picture of our relationship with Jesus. What you may not know is that when a child enters your home, he isn't immediately excited to be there. He doesn't think "Wow, thank you for getting me out of that unsafe situation. You seem like trustworthy people." He is SCARED, he doesn't know if he can trust you, and he misses the place and people that are familiar to him no matter the circumstance. When a child feels this way he can often push away from you or act out. This can be hard to deal with because you care for him and want to provide him a safe place. But, isn't that what we so often do to Christ?! We push him away with our decisions and actions, but he still wants to love us and take care of us.

Romans 5:8 states this perfectly. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God still sent his son to die for us while we were struggling. God has given me just a glimpse of the kind of love he has for us when I look at our foster care journey. No matter what Little Man does, I want him to know we love him, and I want us to be a safe place for him.

Not only have I learned to love Little Man as God loves him, but I have also learned that my life is about furthering the kingdom of God, not living a comfortable life.



It's extremely difficult to see everyone with their children that are legally their own. I wish I knew if Little Man would be here next year, let alone next week. I wish I could show everyone his sweet face. His smile is the best. I wish I knew what our family unit would look like. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about how past traumas or experiences would affect the children and their futures. I wanted God to wrap my family up in a perfect bow, and be "normal."

As I was struggling with this God spoke to me and said: "When have I ever called anyone to be normal?" Ok, God, I hear you. The Bible is full of people who weren't normal. (We won't go into what is normal, but you get what I'm saying).

Don't get me wrong, we have LOVED every moment with our little guy, and he brings so much joy and life to our home. And we love being foster parents. God has been preparing us for this journey for almost two years. But, there is that moment of desiring this little life where you know exactly what is going to happen, and you just wish you could be like everyone else. God has called us to something greater, just as he calls all of us to something greater. This is just the path for us!

So even though I have struggled with the uncertainty of the future of my family, I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing right now, and we are loving each child that comes into our home.

I'm going to try to update this blog more with our journey, questions you might have about foster care, etc. Thank you for letting me share a little of my heart.