Why I Support the State's Goal of Reunification

When it comes to children in foster care, the state's ultimate goal in every situation is family reunification. This may not always be possible, but they want to try to give every family a chance to get to a place where they can be reunited.

This might seem like the opposite goal of someone becoming dual licensed for foster and adoption. I mean, you're wanting to adopt a child, so why do you want them to go back to their biological family, right? That was my thinking before Sterling and I started this process.

You hear it all the time, "Our foster care system is broken." There is so much brokenness in foster care. In order for a child to enter your home, a family has been broken. The parents are in a place where they are broken. Your hearts are constantly being broken through the rollercoaster that accompanies this foster life. And, even if I get to adopt, a piece of my heart will still hurt because I know a family had to be broken for mine to grow. I will still celebrate that my son or daughter will have a forever family, but in the back of my mind, I know there is a family with a piece missing. This is one reason why I support family reunification. I want to know that at the end of the day, I did everything possible to support that family in every opportunity to get their child back.

This is why Sterling and I write letters to Little Man's family members and send pictures and crafts. We want them to be encouraged that this is why they are working so hard - to get to be in their child's life forever.

You may be thinking we are saints or totally crazy. One, we are not saints. We both deal with days of serious frustration. Why can't they just get better? Don't they care? Or we also deal with days where we can't imagine saying goodbye to our little guy. Just the other night I was almost brought to tears thinking about Little Man possibly saying "Bye bye. Love you" and blowing me a kiss for the last time. So no, we're not saints. I read a scripture passage the other day that made me realize why Sterling and I support Little Man's biological parents and the system's ultimate goal.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? [...] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6: 31-36

If for some reason I found myself in the same situation as Little Man's parents, how would I want to be treated? I would hope that someone would support me in my healing process and write me notes about my child and send pictures. Even if the biological family doesn't reciprocate this act of love, it doesn't matter. I'm called to love them and treat them how I would want to be treated. I am called to have mercy toward them. What better way to fulfill this verse than stand in support of the state's goal of reunification?

Now obviously, we still want the child to return to a safe environment. We aren't supporting this goal blindly. But, as foster parents, one of our jobs is to be an advocate for the child, and we speak up to attorneys or CPS if we feel there is a glaring red flag they should know about. We are all working toward the same goal: keeping the child safe and getting them back to a healthy home.

While Sterling and I both want to adopt a child one day, we are still supporting the children in our home going back to their families if it is a safe environment.