Fostering Again

I've been thinking about this post a lot, because I know many wonder how we can do this all over again. We've suffered some serious heartache, and now we are opening ourselves to possibly the same outcome.

When Little Man left us in May, we were heartbroken. We loved him like our own, and it was hard to have the house empty again. I will never say we got "too attached." There is no such thing in foster care. In order for that child to feel safe and grow developmentally, you have to get "too attached." We are not superhumans with the ability to not "get too attached." We did our jobs right. We loved him like our own, and he is growing and excelling. We even keep in touch with his current family.

After he left, we decided to take the summer off with Sterling's busy travel schedule and for some upcoming trips we had planned with our families and ourselves. This was a great time of healing for us. We had always seen ourselves taking some time off to process and heal, and this summer was restorative in a lot of ways. There were days where I cried in Little Man's old room as I packed up his clothes to put away in storage, and there were days where Sterling and I were happy that we could go for an impromptu date night. We also felt God calling us to be open to older kiddos and siblings, so we prepared our 3rd bedroom for that possibility.

I don't think you are ever ready for the day you get back on the open list. Think about it as your due date. There are so many other things you wish you had done, but here the baby comes! We don't know when the call will come or what children they will call us about. But, in a matter of hours, you have kids at your house, and you're parents again.

We got back on the open list on August 27, knowing fully we would be placed that day. At 5:30, I received a call for two little girls. I knew the second I got the call that I wanted them. I called Sterling, and we prayed that if this wasn't the placement for us that God would close the door. I called our agency back and said that we would take them. After hours of waiting to hear from CPS, we found out they were on their way to our house.

At around 8:45, Big Sis and Little Sis showed up at our house.



Through this process, God has continued to show me how faithful He is. I had a lot of fears about relearning new children their likes and dislikes, how to parent them, and their behaviors. I also was scared I wouldn't love them as much as I loved Little Man. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be hurt by someone possibly leaving again.

But, God has continued to be faithful. We love our days with these girls. They are VERY high energy so they can wear us out. But they also make us laugh and smile. They know how to bring the fun and have never met a stranger. We still miss Little Man for who he was to us, but we love these girls immensely too. We are trusting the Lord with the ending to this story. We know His plan is absolutely perfect.

Even though it was scary to open our home to the unknown again, God is still good. He called us to this foster care life, and He is faithful to us through it all. 

Saying Goodbye

On Thursday, our Little Man will be leaving our home after almost 10 months living with us. We have celebrated holidays, Christmas, and birthdays together. We have traveled to Waco to introduce him to the Bears. We have held him when he cried because he missed his parents, we have rubbed his back during night terrors, and we have encouraged his parents in their recovery. We have lived life day in and day out with both the joys and the frustrations that come with parenting a toddler. 

While we have shed our share of tears over missing him, and the quiet of our house will be an unknown sound, you will find most of my tears in these last days are because of how good God has been to us in this journey. 

If you haven’t read about our call to become foster parents, I would encourage you to do so to understand our goodbye story with Little Man. God called us to foster care while I dug my feet in the sand, not wanting to open my heart to heartbreak and the brokenness of the foster care life. He changed my heart (obviously) and didn’t fail us in this journey. 

Four weeks ago we received a call that Little Man’s relative was approved, but they were waiting on Little Man’s attorney’s approval. She came to our house and told us she would only move him if they were excellent. She said, “I’m not moving him from great to good.” We prayed over her future decision before she left our house. Two weeks later, she let us know she had met them and they were wonderful, and because of Little Man’s attachment to us, we would need to have a long transition. He would go to their house for a few days and ours for a few days back and forth. The relatives were also interested in communicating with us to make this the easiest transition possible. 

In my type A way of doing things, the next day I wrote a 4 page document for them outlining his daily routine, favorite things, and other helpful information and emailed it to them. I got the sweetest reply back. Sterling and I had planned on taking him to his new home for his first weekend stay, and we got to see his new room, watch as he adapted so well in the first few minutes, and see that they cared and were great people. We left with a huge peace. When we picked him up, he had a huge smile, and not solely because he saw us, but also because he had a wonderful time. He was so excited to go back again. He continues to attach to them, and I am so grateful that he will be safe and well taken care of. 

Everyone tells me “I could never do what you do.” But, I couldn’t do what we do without God. He clearly called us to this, and He has taken great care of us. The smallest details in this transition were more than we could have asked for. This isn’t the most normal transition for a child. Sometimes the caseworker calls and you have an hour to pack up your foster child, and you never meet the new placement, let alone see where they are living. 

We have been able to love on his new placement and feel incredible peace knowing this is where he is going. 

God has showed us time and time again that he will take care of us and Little Man. We answered the call, and God hasn’t abandoned us once. 

How You Can Help Foster Parents

So I’m writing this post because I can’t even begin to tell you how much we have been blessed by the people around us through our foster care journey. This blog is written because we have seen how much our community has rallied behind us, and it has made all the difference.

I understand that a lot of people aren’t called to be a foster parent. However, Sterling and I encounter a lot of people who want to help out and serve the foster care system by serving a foster family. Here are some of the many ways you can help a foster family.

1. Meals - This item is more for when a family receives a new placement, but it is so helpful. When Little Man first arrived, we were so overwhelmed. I mean we hadn’t even been parents before. There is a huge learning curve when a new child enters your home, especially when your first parenting experience is with a 15-month-old. We had people bring us dinner, Venmo us money for Uber Eats, and send us gift cards. This was so helpful in the first weeks as we were trying to figure out our new normal.

2. Babysitter- In order for someone to babysit foster children, they need to be approved by submitting a background check and getting FBI fingerprinted. This is a huge blessing to a foster family. In Texas, it costs someone $40 to get fingerprinted. We have a handful of babysitters, which have been a huge help to us because we can rotate through them without making one feel overwhelmed. By becoming a babysitter, you are immensely helping a foster family. We are so thankful for the people who have stepped up to be a babysitter and support and love our family in this way!

3. Respite Provider- One step up from a babysitter is a respite provider. This allows you to take care of a foster child overnight for up to 14 days. Sterling and I plan on going to Mexico this August to celebrate our 5 year anniversary, and we are going to camp with our students in June. These would be hard trips to take our foster kiddo on so we would need to find respite. This requires training classes and other certifications that are much more extensive than just babysitting.

4. Pray- Foster families need so much prayer. When we are getting close to a court case, we have to add a visit from our foster child's attorney to our list of monthly visits and go to the CPS office for a family group conference with biological family, attorneys, caseworkers, etc. This is a time where a family could use a lot of prayers. Anytime a child visits with their biological family (ours is weekly, currently) can be confusing and difficult for their little minds and hearts, prayer is helpful then as well. It always means the world when a family member or friend remembers those dates and texts us or writes us a letter. Prayer changes everything, and we know there are lots of people praying for us and our little guy.

5. Clothes and Diapers- This can also be categorized by the text or phone call of "I want to help you out with some diapers, what is his size?" "I know it's getting warmer outside, what clothes do you need?" "My son loves this ball pit, do you think your foster son would too?" or "My child is outgrowing some of their clothes, could you use them?" Our community has been so sweet with the outpouring of needs we had when we first became foster parents. We didn't have any toys, and we had a small pack of diapers in each size for whatever age we might take. People rallied around us sending us diapers, wipes, toys, clothes, etc. I think for the first four months Little Man was with us, we never had to buy diapers. While trying to get in the swing of your new normal, not having to worry about these items is so helpful. Our family members, friends, and church family have provided for us in all of the above ways, and it brings us to tears when we think about it.

Even though you may not be called to be a foster parent, there are so many ways you can help out foster families. I know that Little Man is aware of the love that surrounds him. He walks into church with the biggest smile, because he knows who is there to greet him. He loves seeing our family and friends because they love him so well.

Questions About Foster Care

We've been so busy around our house lately, soaking up all the nice weather outside for this time of year. Little Man and I are finding ourselves at the park a lot. I'm excited to write this post because these were the posts that helped me as I was researching foster care, and I love answering questions about it.

Let's jump right in!

Question: If Little Man goes to live with family, and he was to enter into the foster care system again, is he guaranteed to come back to you? 

No, he is not. Most of the time, they will give you a call that he has come back into care. This doesn't always happen because they can be getting so many children in the system that day. Also, currently we are only licensed for two children in our house. So if we were to take a sibling pair, then technically we couldn't accept him. We are thinking about increasing our intake number though...

Question: How long is the training? How much is required?

Training and requirements differ a little with whatever agency you end up with. They all require the same basic information, but may offer their training in different ways or require less paperwork once you become a foster parent. Some people will tell you one agency requires more and one requires less. With our agency, we attended almost 50-60 hours of training, including in-person and online. They run all the background checks, and I mean ALL of them. We had to have a doctor sign off that we were well enough to have a child in our home, they asked how much money was in our savings account, they asked for a breakdown of our monthly expenses, driving records, and Oso even had to be vetted. After all of the paperwork, someone came to our house and completed a home study. This was an eight-hour interview consisting of talking with Sterling and me together, separately, (if you have biological children over the age of 3, they will interview them as well) and then a tour of hour home to make sure it was safe. We started the process in January, and we were licensed in May. It may seem like a lot, but broken down it wasn't that bad. I am also glad we had to jump through all the hoops because it made me feel more confident that if you become licensed, this is something you really wanted to do to help children.

Question: What agency do you recommend? How do you choose a good one? 

At the beginning of January, Sterling and I attended the CPS Orientation meeting intended to introduce you to the foster care system. At the meeting, they told us we could choose CPS or another agency to get our license (I didn't know there were agencies that did this). We talked to some people familiar with the foster care system, and we decided that working with an agency would be best for us. Also, we decided to work with a faith-based agency, because God was such a huge part of our decision to do this, we needed people to support that. We recommend CK Family Services because they are AWESOME! We loved them. We walked into their Orientation, and we knew that we should be there. We had talked to someone who was licensed with them and had said wonderful things. When you're choosing an agency, talk to people that are licensed with various agencies, attend Orientations with different agencies, and then you can make an informed decision.

Question: Do you have any tips for home study approval? 

Be yourself and be honest. They don't want you to fit into a certain mold. In fact, they use your home study to decide what placement calls you should get. If you aren't yourself, you may struggle more with your placement. Your agency will give you a checklist of everything that needs to be done before your home study. Honestly, I think I cared a little too much about how clean my house was. It needs to be clean, but don't freak out and get an intense cleaning crew. We answered all of our questions honestly, and I'm so glad we did.

Question: What do they tell you when you get a call? How much time do you have before the child gets to your home? 

When you get a call, you can get very little information or more information just depending on what was told to the intake team. We were told age, gender, race/ethnicity, the reason for removal, allergies, and other medical information. You can ask questions, and I had asked if this was his first time in care (because my other questions had been answered). I was given a moment to call Sterling, ask him what he thought, and then I called the intake team back. Then, they send your family to the main intake unit, and all the other agencies send their families in, and that main unit decides who will be the best fit for the child. We received a call back an hour later telling us that we had been chosen. They asked us when they could bring him over, and I said in an hour and a half. Sterling and I ran to Target to grab a car seat and some items that tended to his medical needs they told us about. We had already purchased gender neutral clothes and diapers in every size for whatever age we would take.

Question: How long does a case last? What is the judicial process like? 

Best way to answer this question:



Kidding, but kind of not. Cases should last a max of 12 months, but sometimes they last 16 or more months with appeals and extensions. Each case follows it's own process, but this is a chart of the process in it's most BASIC form.

Why I Support the State's Goal of Reunification

When it comes to children in foster care, the state's ultimate goal in every situation is family reunification. This may not always be possible, but they want to try to give every family a chance to get to a place where they can be reunited.

This might seem like the opposite goal of someone becoming dual licensed for foster and adoption. I mean, you're wanting to adopt a child, so why do you want them to go back to their biological family, right? That was my thinking before Sterling and I started this process.

You hear it all the time, "Our foster care system is broken." There is so much brokenness in foster care. In order for a child to enter your home, a family has been broken. The parents are in a place where they are broken. Your hearts are constantly being broken through the rollercoaster that accompanies this foster life. And, even if I get to adopt, a piece of my heart will still hurt because I know a family had to be broken for mine to grow. I will still celebrate that my son or daughter will have a forever family, but in the back of my mind, I know there is a family with a piece missing. This is one reason why I support family reunification. I want to know that at the end of the day, I did everything possible to support that family in every opportunity to get their child back.

This is why Sterling and I write letters to Little Man's family members and send pictures and crafts. We want them to be encouraged that this is why they are working so hard - to get to be in their child's life forever.

You may be thinking we are saints or totally crazy. One, we are not saints. We both deal with days of serious frustration. Why can't they just get better? Don't they care? Or we also deal with days where we can't imagine saying goodbye to our little guy. Just the other night I was almost brought to tears thinking about Little Man possibly saying "Bye bye. Love you" and blowing me a kiss for the last time. So no, we're not saints. I read a scripture passage the other day that made me realize why Sterling and I support Little Man's biological parents and the system's ultimate goal.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? [...] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6: 31-36

If for some reason I found myself in the same situation as Little Man's parents, how would I want to be treated? I would hope that someone would support me in my healing process and write me notes about my child and send pictures. Even if the biological family doesn't reciprocate this act of love, it doesn't matter. I'm called to love them and treat them how I would want to be treated. I am called to have mercy toward them. What better way to fulfill this verse than stand in support of the state's goal of reunification?

Now obviously, we still want the child to return to a safe environment. We aren't supporting this goal blindly. But, as foster parents, one of our jobs is to be an advocate for the child, and we speak up to attorneys or CPS if we feel there is a glaring red flag they should know about. We are all working toward the same goal: keeping the child safe and getting them back to a healthy home.

While Sterling and I both want to adopt a child one day, we are still supporting the children in our home going back to their families if it is a safe environment.

What I've Learned Since I Became a Foster Parent

It's hard to believe it has almost been 6 months that we've had Little Man in our house. There has been a lot of learning on both Sterling and my part. Not only did we become first time parents, but we had to learn a whole judicial process, CPS process, oh and did I mention parenting a toddler?! Of course I have learned a lot in these past 6 months, but I wanted to share you some of the things I've learned that are closer to my heart (other than crackers can solve most troubles and if you've been to the DMV you've had a glimpse into life with the government).



First, I've learned that the relationship between you and a foster child is such a picture of our relationship with Jesus. What you may not know is that when a child enters your home, he isn't immediately excited to be there. He doesn't think "Wow, thank you for getting me out of that unsafe situation. You seem like trustworthy people." He is SCARED, he doesn't know if he can trust you, and he misses the place and people that are familiar to him no matter the circumstance. When a child feels this way he can often push away from you or act out. This can be hard to deal with because you care for him and want to provide him a safe place. But, isn't that what we so often do to Christ?! We push him away with our decisions and actions, but he still wants to love us and take care of us.

Romans 5:8 states this perfectly. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God still sent his son to die for us while we were struggling. God has given me just a glimpse of the kind of love he has for us when I look at our foster care journey. No matter what Little Man does, I want him to know we love him, and I want us to be a safe place for him.

Not only have I learned to love Little Man as God loves him, but I have also learned that my life is about furthering the kingdom of God, not living a comfortable life.



It's extremely difficult to see everyone with their children that are legally their own. I wish I knew if Little Man would be here next year, let alone next week. I wish I could show everyone his sweet face. His smile is the best. I wish I knew what our family unit would look like. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about how past traumas or experiences would affect the children and their futures. I wanted God to wrap my family up in a perfect bow, and be "normal."

As I was struggling with this God spoke to me and said: "When have I ever called anyone to be normal?" Ok, God, I hear you. The Bible is full of people who weren't normal. (We won't go into what is normal, but you get what I'm saying).

Don't get me wrong, we have LOVED every moment with our little guy, and he brings so much joy and life to our home. And we love being foster parents. God has been preparing us for this journey for almost two years. But, there is that moment of desiring this little life where you know exactly what is going to happen, and you just wish you could be like everyone else. God has called us to something greater, just as he calls all of us to something greater. This is just the path for us!

So even though I have struggled with the uncertainty of the future of my family, I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing right now, and we are loving each child that comes into our home.

I'm going to try to update this blog more with our journey, questions you might have about foster care, etc. Thank you for letting me share a little of my heart.