How You Can Help Foster Parents

So I’m writing this post because I can’t even begin to tell you how much we have been blessed by the people around us through our foster care journey. This blog is written because we have seen how much our community has rallied behind us, and it has made all the difference.

I understand that a lot of people aren’t called to be a foster parent. However, Sterling and I encounter a lot of people who want to help out and serve the foster care system by serving a foster family. Here are some of the many ways you can help a foster family.

1. Meals - This item is more for when a family receives a new placement, but it is so helpful. When Little Man first arrived, we were so overwhelmed. I mean we hadn’t even been parents before. There is a huge learning curve when a new child enters your home, especially when your first parenting experience is with a 15-month-old. We had people bring us dinner, Venmo us money for Uber Eats, and send us gift cards. This was so helpful in the first weeks as we were trying to figure out our new normal.

2. Babysitter- In order for someone to babysit foster children, they need to be approved by submitting a background check and getting FBI fingerprinted. This is a huge blessing to a foster family. In Texas, it costs someone $40 to get fingerprinted. We have a handful of babysitters, which have been a huge help to us because we can rotate through them without making one feel overwhelmed. By becoming a babysitter, you are immensely helping a foster family. We are so thankful for the people who have stepped up to be a babysitter and support and love our family in this way!

3. Respite Provider- One step up from a babysitter is a respite provider. This allows you to take care of a foster child overnight for up to 14 days. Sterling and I plan on going to Mexico this August to celebrate our 5 year anniversary, and we are going to camp with our students in June. These would be hard trips to take our foster kiddo on so we would need to find respite. This requires training classes and other certifications that are much more extensive than just babysitting.

4. Pray- Foster families need so much prayer. When we are getting close to a court case, we have to add a visit from our foster child's attorney to our list of monthly visits and go to the CPS office for a family group conference with biological family, attorneys, caseworkers, etc. This is a time where a family could use a lot of prayers. Anytime a child visits with their biological family (ours is weekly, currently) can be confusing and difficult for their little minds and hearts, prayer is helpful then as well. It always means the world when a family member or friend remembers those dates and texts us or writes us a letter. Prayer changes everything, and we know there are lots of people praying for us and our little guy.

5. Clothes and Diapers- This can also be categorized by the text or phone call of "I want to help you out with some diapers, what is his size?" "I know it's getting warmer outside, what clothes do you need?" "My son loves this ball pit, do you think your foster son would too?" or "My child is outgrowing some of their clothes, could you use them?" Our community has been so sweet with the outpouring of needs we had when we first became foster parents. We didn't have any toys, and we had a small pack of diapers in each size for whatever age we might take. People rallied around us sending us diapers, wipes, toys, clothes, etc. I think for the first four months Little Man was with us, we never had to buy diapers. While trying to get in the swing of your new normal, not having to worry about these items is so helpful. Our family members, friends, and church family have provided for us in all of the above ways, and it brings us to tears when we think about it.

Even though you may not be called to be a foster parent, there are so many ways you can help out foster families. I know that Little Man is aware of the love that surrounds him. He walks into church with the biggest smile, because he knows who is there to greet him. He loves seeing our family and friends because they love him so well.

Questions About Foster Care

We've been so busy around our house lately, soaking up all the nice weather outside for this time of year. Little Man and I are finding ourselves at the park a lot. I'm excited to write this post because these were the posts that helped me as I was researching foster care, and I love answering questions about it.

Let's jump right in!

Question: If Little Man goes to live with family, and he was to enter into the foster care system again, is he guaranteed to come back to you? 

No, he is not. Most of the time, they will give you a call that he has come back into care. This doesn't always happen because they can be getting so many children in the system that day. Also, currently we are only licensed for two children in our house. So if we were to take a sibling pair, then technically we couldn't accept him. We are thinking about increasing our intake number though...

Question: How long is the training? How much is required?

Training and requirements differ a little with whatever agency you end up with. They all require the same basic information, but may offer their training in different ways or require less paperwork once you become a foster parent. Some people will tell you one agency requires more and one requires less. With our agency, we attended almost 50-60 hours of training, including in-person and online. They run all the background checks, and I mean ALL of them. We had to have a doctor sign off that we were well enough to have a child in our home, they asked how much money was in our savings account, they asked for a breakdown of our monthly expenses, driving records, and Oso even had to be vetted. After all of the paperwork, someone came to our house and completed a home study. This was an eight-hour interview consisting of talking with Sterling and me together, separately, (if you have biological children over the age of 3, they will interview them as well) and then a tour of hour home to make sure it was safe. We started the process in January, and we were licensed in May. It may seem like a lot, but broken down it wasn't that bad. I am also glad we had to jump through all the hoops because it made me feel more confident that if you become licensed, this is something you really wanted to do to help children.

Question: What agency do you recommend? How do you choose a good one? 

At the beginning of January, Sterling and I attended the CPS Orientation meeting intended to introduce you to the foster care system. At the meeting, they told us we could choose CPS or another agency to get our license (I didn't know there were agencies that did this). We talked to some people familiar with the foster care system, and we decided that working with an agency would be best for us. Also, we decided to work with a faith-based agency, because God was such a huge part of our decision to do this, we needed people to support that. We recommend CK Family Services because they are AWESOME! We loved them. We walked into their Orientation, and we knew that we should be there. We had talked to someone who was licensed with them and had said wonderful things. When you're choosing an agency, talk to people that are licensed with various agencies, attend Orientations with different agencies, and then you can make an informed decision.

Question: Do you have any tips for home study approval? 

Be yourself and be honest. They don't want you to fit into a certain mold. In fact, they use your home study to decide what placement calls you should get. If you aren't yourself, you may struggle more with your placement. Your agency will give you a checklist of everything that needs to be done before your home study. Honestly, I think I cared a little too much about how clean my house was. It needs to be clean, but don't freak out and get an intense cleaning crew. We answered all of our questions honestly, and I'm so glad we did.

Question: What do they tell you when you get a call? How much time do you have before the child gets to your home? 

When you get a call, you can get very little information or more information just depending on what was told to the intake team. We were told age, gender, race/ethnicity, the reason for removal, allergies, and other medical information. You can ask questions, and I had asked if this was his first time in care (because my other questions had been answered). I was given a moment to call Sterling, ask him what he thought, and then I called the intake team back. Then, they send your family to the main intake unit, and all the other agencies send their families in, and that main unit decides who will be the best fit for the child. We received a call back an hour later telling us that we had been chosen. They asked us when they could bring him over, and I said in an hour and a half. Sterling and I ran to Target to grab a car seat and some items that tended to his medical needs they told us about. We had already purchased gender neutral clothes and diapers in every size for whatever age we would take.

Question: How long does a case last? What is the judicial process like? 

Best way to answer this question:



Kidding, but kind of not. Cases should last a max of 12 months, but sometimes they last 16 or more months with appeals and extensions. Each case follows it's own process, but this is a chart of the process in it's most BASIC form.

Why I Support the State's Goal of Reunification

When it comes to children in foster care, the state's ultimate goal in every situation is family reunification. This may not always be possible, but they want to try to give every family a chance to get to a place where they can be reunited.

This might seem like the opposite goal of someone becoming dual licensed for foster and adoption. I mean, you're wanting to adopt a child, so why do you want them to go back to their biological family, right? That was my thinking before Sterling and I started this process.

You hear it all the time, "Our foster care system is broken." There is so much brokenness in foster care. In order for a child to enter your home, a family has been broken. The parents are in a place where they are broken. Your hearts are constantly being broken through the rollercoaster that accompanies this foster life. And, even if I get to adopt, a piece of my heart will still hurt because I know a family had to be broken for mine to grow. I will still celebrate that my son or daughter will have a forever family, but in the back of my mind, I know there is a family with a piece missing. This is one reason why I support family reunification. I want to know that at the end of the day, I did everything possible to support that family in every opportunity to get their child back.

This is why Sterling and I write letters to Little Man's family members and send pictures and crafts. We want them to be encouraged that this is why they are working so hard - to get to be in their child's life forever.

You may be thinking we are saints or totally crazy. One, we are not saints. We both deal with days of serious frustration. Why can't they just get better? Don't they care? Or we also deal with days where we can't imagine saying goodbye to our little guy. Just the other night I was almost brought to tears thinking about Little Man possibly saying "Bye bye. Love you" and blowing me a kiss for the last time. So no, we're not saints. I read a scripture passage the other day that made me realize why Sterling and I support Little Man's biological parents and the system's ultimate goal.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? [...] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6: 31-36

If for some reason I found myself in the same situation as Little Man's parents, how would I want to be treated? I would hope that someone would support me in my healing process and write me notes about my child and send pictures. Even if the biological family doesn't reciprocate this act of love, it doesn't matter. I'm called to love them and treat them how I would want to be treated. I am called to have mercy toward them. What better way to fulfill this verse than stand in support of the state's goal of reunification?

Now obviously, we still want the child to return to a safe environment. We aren't supporting this goal blindly. But, as foster parents, one of our jobs is to be an advocate for the child, and we speak up to attorneys or CPS if we feel there is a glaring red flag they should know about. We are all working toward the same goal: keeping the child safe and getting them back to a healthy home.

While Sterling and I both want to adopt a child one day, we are still supporting the children in our home going back to their families if it is a safe environment.

What I've Learned Since I Became a Foster Parent

It's hard to believe it has almost been 6 months that we've had Little Man in our house. There has been a lot of learning on both Sterling and my part. Not only did we become first time parents, but we had to learn a whole judicial process, CPS process, oh and did I mention parenting a toddler?! Of course I have learned a lot in these past 6 months, but I wanted to share you some of the things I've learned that are closer to my heart (other than crackers can solve most troubles and if you've been to the DMV you've had a glimpse into life with the government).



First, I've learned that the relationship between you and a foster child is such a picture of our relationship with Jesus. What you may not know is that when a child enters your home, he isn't immediately excited to be there. He doesn't think "Wow, thank you for getting me out of that unsafe situation. You seem like trustworthy people." He is SCARED, he doesn't know if he can trust you, and he misses the place and people that are familiar to him no matter the circumstance. When a child feels this way he can often push away from you or act out. This can be hard to deal with because you care for him and want to provide him a safe place. But, isn't that what we so often do to Christ?! We push him away with our decisions and actions, but he still wants to love us and take care of us.

Romans 5:8 states this perfectly. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God still sent his son to die for us while we were struggling. God has given me just a glimpse of the kind of love he has for us when I look at our foster care journey. No matter what Little Man does, I want him to know we love him, and I want us to be a safe place for him.

Not only have I learned to love Little Man as God loves him, but I have also learned that my life is about furthering the kingdom of God, not living a comfortable life.



It's extremely difficult to see everyone with their children that are legally their own. I wish I knew if Little Man would be here next year, let alone next week. I wish I could show everyone his sweet face. His smile is the best. I wish I knew what our family unit would look like. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about how past traumas or experiences would affect the children and their futures. I wanted God to wrap my family up in a perfect bow, and be "normal."

As I was struggling with this God spoke to me and said: "When have I ever called anyone to be normal?" Ok, God, I hear you. The Bible is full of people who weren't normal. (We won't go into what is normal, but you get what I'm saying).

Don't get me wrong, we have LOVED every moment with our little guy, and he brings so much joy and life to our home. And we love being foster parents. God has been preparing us for this journey for almost two years. But, there is that moment of desiring this little life where you know exactly what is going to happen, and you just wish you could be like everyone else. God has called us to something greater, just as he calls all of us to something greater. This is just the path for us!

So even though I have struggled with the uncertainty of the future of my family, I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing right now, and we are loving each child that comes into our home.

I'm going to try to update this blog more with our journey, questions you might have about foster care, etc. Thank you for letting me share a little of my heart. 

Our Journey to Becoming Foster Parents

Wow. I haven't written on this blog for years. As we entered into this new chapter in life, I thought it would be one to blog about for our friends and family that live far away or people who are just interested in this journey. A long time ago, I named this blog Blissful Entries, and I felt like it still encompasses this process and chapter as well, so here we go!

The journey to Sterling and I becoming foster parents has been such a special one.

Before ever meeting each other, Sterling and I had both felt called to adoption. At that point in our lives, we didn't know which avenue we would adopt through (international, domestic adoption, etc.), but we both knew we wanted to pursue it. When we got married in 2014, we assumed we would have children biologically then adopt. Adoption continued to weigh heavy on our hearts.

Fast forward to 2017. We had decided we were in a place in life where we could bring in a child. We were financially stable, we bought a house, Sterling had graduated from seminary, and we were both in jobs we prayed for. We started to try to conceive. After a handful of months, we were put on a fertility drug. We decided and felt a peace that if it came down to the point to involve a fertility specialist, God was calling us to seek growing our family through the adoption route before the biological one.

While this is all happening, God started to put foster care on our hearts. It was something that was clear to both of us, and we knew when we were going to grow our family through other methods, it was going to be through the foster care system.

In January of 2018, we spoke to some individuals involved in various capacities in the foster care system and decided to work through a faith-based agency. We have felt a great peace throughout our hours and hours of training and paperwork (goodness gracious the paperwork!). Even though some deep and difficult things are discussed, we knew that this was where we were supposed to be.

If you have ever been close to someone going through the process, you know it's a long one. Sterling and I completed a little over 30 hours of training, mountains of paperwork, doctors visits, fire inspections, and the home study. In May, we were told that we had been officially licensed for foster care and adoption.

We can't wait to love on the children that come through our home. Whether it's for a season or for forever, we are so excited to see what the Lord has in store for our family! I'll try to keep the blog updated with this journey of ours!

A Sweet Gift: Reese's Bundt Cake

So these two cuties {my parents} have an anniversary coming up, and I felt like they needed a little something sweet to celebrate.

So I have been looking at Mix and Match Mama's bundt cake recipes, and I knew the perfect one to make for this special occasion: Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Bundt Cake.

To see the full recipe, you can follow this link. I was also so excited to use my Kitchen Aid that my sweet co-workers got me for our wedding.

You will need the following to make this yummy cake:

1 box of chocolate cake mix

2 small instant chocolate puddings

1/2 cup veggie oil

1 cup water

4 eggs

1 cup Reese's peanut butter chips (see pic above)

2/3 cup butter, softened

6 cups powdered sugar

3-4 tablespoons milk

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup creamy peanut butter

Garnish with Reese's Pieces

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. To make the cake, you will need to mix the cake mix, chocolate pudding mix, vegetable oil, water and  eggs. After that is blended, you can mix in the Reese's chips. 

Put the mixture in your greased bundt cake pan and place in preheated oven. Bake for 40 minutes. Let it stand in the bundt pan for 10 minutes. Then invert the pan so that the cake falls out onto the pan. 

Now it's time to start on the peanut butter frosting. Mix the powdered sugar, milk and butter together with an electric mixer {another chance for me to use my Kitchen Aid mixer} and mix until creamy. Add vanilla and peanut butter to the mixture. I have to confess, I didn't have vanilla so I made it without it, and it still tastes lovely! 

Once your cake is cool, you can frost your bundt cake and garnish it with Reese's Pieces. I can't wait to serve it for my parent's anniversary! 

 

Five Tips for Your Bridal Portraits

Sorry I have been MIA. After we got engaged in December, I have been going 1000 miles a minute! But, the big day finally came and it was beautiful, wonderful and everything I imagined. Now Sterling is my husband, and I love being his wife!

Lauren Guy Photography

I will be using this blog to post about wedding tips and the adventures of being newleyweds. Sterling and I also have a date blog that we use to post the fun things we do around DFW.

One of the most fun days during engagement was taking my bridal portraits. I am not claiming to know everything about bridal portraits, but I did have a wonderful experience. I hope the same for every bride. Check out my five tips for having beautiful bridal portraits you will cherish.

Hire a good photographer

I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but your photographer can make or break your experience. I was so lucky to have found Lauren Guy Summersett! She shot Sterling and my engagement pictures and our wedding. When Sterling and I were planning our wedding, we knew photography was an important investment, and Lauren was worth it. It is extremely important to have a good rapport with your photographer. The more he or she understands you, the more they can deliver what you have dreamed of.

Beyond getting along with your photographer, make sure he or she understands your style. After looking at Lauren’s portfolio and blog, I knew she would capture the moments the way I wanted to remember them. She also understood Southern feel I was trying to accomplish.

         Pick a venue that fits you

I love all things southern and feminine. I love little white churches and big southern homes with columns. Once I knew the look I wanted for my portraits I started researching on Pinterest for Dallas Bridal Portraits, so I could see pictures of locations with other brides. Lauren was also a huge help in this search. I think she actually was the one who suggested my pick, Dallas Heritage Village.

I loved that this location had the look of many locations in one spot. They had a little white church, a big southern home, beautiful crate myrtles and cute old staircases and pews. It was perfect.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Venue Tips:

·         Make sure you make contact with your venue before your bridal portrait date. I couldn’t have just walked into my venue or many of the others I looked at and just started taking pictures. Many places have guidelines and small fees.

·         Be prepared to spend a little money on reserving the venue for portraits. I also went there before Dallas Heritage Village opened, so there were not visitors just hanging out in my pictures.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

     Think about season and time of day

I took my bridal portraits in July. In Texas. Outside. Many people would say that's silly, because that is exactly what my mother said when I told her. To avoid the typical Texas summer heat, I took my pictures from 7 to 9 that morning. Just as it was getting hot, we were done. I will say I had to get up at 4 am for hair and makeup, but it was so worth it.

If you followed tip 1 and hired a good photographer, they will help you determine the best time of day for the season you are in.

        Plan for the day

Here are some helpful tips to make sure your bridal portraits go as smoothly as possible:

·         Get your dress and veil steamed the week of your portraits. You don’t want a wrinkly dress and veil for these once in a lifetime photos.

·         Treat yourself to a mani and pedi. This may seem self-explanatory, but it is so easy to forget in the craziness of the week leading up to your portraits.

·         Bring a cheap white sheet to your portraits. You can lay this under your dress so you don’t have to get it cleaned between your portraits and the wedding. I got mine at Wal-Mart for $3.

·         Don’t bring an entourage but a support duo. Originally, my bridal portraits were going to include just my mom and my photographer, but then my dad wanted to come. What a huge help it was to have both of them there! One was able to help Lauren adjust the white sheet and the other could hold my bouquet while I held up my dress. I think they thought they were going to get to sit in lawn chairs while I had my pictures taken (not so, Bill and Susan J) Don’t go overboard and bring 12 of your closest friends. It was special just having my parents there and everyone could see me in my dress on my wedding day.

·         Get a contact number. If someone is your point of contact for the day of the portraits, get the number they can be reached on. You don’t want to show up at the venue and start yelling out the name of the contact (because that might have happened…)

      Use this day as a trial run

This is the perfect opportunity to have a trial run for your wedding day. Use your hair and makeup professional for your portraits. You can see how it will look for your wedding day with the dress. You will also learn how well your hair and makeup will stay or if you need a tad more hairspray.

Wear your wedding shoes, accessories and veil for the portraits. This is an excellent chance to break in your shoes. (Unless you have really fancy shoes and you are taking pictures in a field. I had hard ground to walk on so it was in my best interest to wear my wedding heels.) I did learn that my belt had a tendency to catch on the lace on my dress, so I needed to be careful on the day.

Many florists will do a trial run bouquet for your portraits, so you can see how they will look. This is another opportunity you don’t want to pass up.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography 

Each bride is different, and your bridal portraits are a testament to your style. This day is your chance to be a bride before the big day, so don’t forget to HAVE FUN! I couldn’t have asked for a more fun morning with my parents and Lauren. To see more of my bridal portraits, check out Lauren’s blog. 

Lauren Guy Photography