Why I Support the State's Goal of Reunification

When it comes to children in foster care, the state's ultimate goal in every situation is family reunification. This may not always be possible, but they want to try to give every family a chance to get to a place where they can be reunited.

This might seem like the opposite goal of someone becoming dual licensed for foster and adoption. I mean, you're wanting to adopt a child, so why do you want them to go back to their biological family, right? That was my thinking before Sterling and I started this process.

You hear it all the time, "Our foster care system is broken." There is so much brokenness in foster care. In order for a child to enter your home, a family has been broken. The parents are in a place where they are broken. Your hearts are constantly being broken through the rollercoaster that accompanies this foster life. And, even if I get to adopt, a piece of my heart will still hurt because I know a family had to be broken for mine to grow. I will still celebrate that my son or daughter will have a forever family, but in the back of my mind, I know there is a family with a piece missing. This is one reason why I support family reunification. I want to know that at the end of the day, I did everything possible to support that family in every opportunity to get their child back.

This is why Sterling and I write letters to Little Man's family members and send pictures and crafts. We want them to be encouraged that this is why they are working so hard - to get to be in their child's life forever.

You may be thinking we are saints or totally crazy. One, we are not saints. We both deal with days of serious frustration. Why can't they just get better? Don't they care? Or we also deal with days where we can't imagine saying goodbye to our little guy. Just the other night I was almost brought to tears thinking about Little Man possibly saying "Bye bye. Love you" and blowing me a kiss for the last time. So no, we're not saints. I read a scripture passage the other day that made me realize why Sterling and I support Little Man's biological parents and the system's ultimate goal.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? [...] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6: 31-36

If for some reason I found myself in the same situation as Little Man's parents, how would I want to be treated? I would hope that someone would support me in my healing process and write me notes about my child and send pictures. Even if the biological family doesn't reciprocate this act of love, it doesn't matter. I'm called to love them and treat them how I would want to be treated. I am called to have mercy toward them. What better way to fulfill this verse than stand in support of the state's goal of reunification?

Now obviously, we still want the child to return to a safe environment. We aren't supporting this goal blindly. But, as foster parents, one of our jobs is to be an advocate for the child, and we speak up to attorneys or CPS if we feel there is a glaring red flag they should know about. We are all working toward the same goal: keeping the child safe and getting them back to a healthy home.

While Sterling and I both want to adopt a child one day, we are still supporting the children in our home going back to their families if it is a safe environment.

What I've Learned Since I Became a Foster Parent

It's hard to believe it has almost been 6 months that we've had Little Man in our house. There has been a lot of learning on both Sterling and my part. Not only did we become first time parents, but we had to learn a whole judicial process, CPS process, oh and did I mention parenting a toddler?! Of course I have learned a lot in these past 6 months, but I wanted to share you some of the things I've learned that are closer to my heart (other than crackers can solve most troubles and if you've been to the DMV you've had a glimpse into life with the government).



First, I've learned that the relationship between you and a foster child is such a picture of our relationship with Jesus. What you may not know is that when a child enters your home, he isn't immediately excited to be there. He doesn't think "Wow, thank you for getting me out of that unsafe situation. You seem like trustworthy people." He is SCARED, he doesn't know if he can trust you, and he misses the place and people that are familiar to him no matter the circumstance. When a child feels this way he can often push away from you or act out. This can be hard to deal with because you care for him and want to provide him a safe place. But, isn't that what we so often do to Christ?! We push him away with our decisions and actions, but he still wants to love us and take care of us.

Romans 5:8 states this perfectly. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God still sent his son to die for us while we were struggling. God has given me just a glimpse of the kind of love he has for us when I look at our foster care journey. No matter what Little Man does, I want him to know we love him, and I want us to be a safe place for him.

Not only have I learned to love Little Man as God loves him, but I have also learned that my life is about furthering the kingdom of God, not living a comfortable life.



It's extremely difficult to see everyone with their children that are legally their own. I wish I knew if Little Man would be here next year, let alone next week. I wish I could show everyone his sweet face. His smile is the best. I wish I knew what our family unit would look like. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about how past traumas or experiences would affect the children and their futures. I wanted God to wrap my family up in a perfect bow, and be "normal."

As I was struggling with this God spoke to me and said: "When have I ever called anyone to be normal?" Ok, God, I hear you. The Bible is full of people who weren't normal. (We won't go into what is normal, but you get what I'm saying).

Don't get me wrong, we have LOVED every moment with our little guy, and he brings so much joy and life to our home. And we love being foster parents. God has been preparing us for this journey for almost two years. But, there is that moment of desiring this little life where you know exactly what is going to happen, and you just wish you could be like everyone else. God has called us to something greater, just as he calls all of us to something greater. This is just the path for us!

So even though I have struggled with the uncertainty of the future of my family, I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing right now, and we are loving each child that comes into our home.

I'm going to try to update this blog more with our journey, questions you might have about foster care, etc. Thank you for letting me share a little of my heart. 

Our Journey to Becoming Foster Parents

Wow. I haven't written on this blog for years. As we entered into this new chapter in life, I thought it would be one to blog about for our friends and family that live far away or people who are just interested in this journey. A long time ago, I named this blog Blissful Entries, and I felt like it still encompasses this process and chapter as well, so here we go!

The journey to Sterling and I becoming foster parents has been such a special one.

Before ever meeting each other, Sterling and I had both felt called to adoption. At that point in our lives, we didn't know which avenue we would adopt through (international, domestic adoption, etc.), but we both knew we wanted to pursue it. When we got married in 2014, we assumed we would have children biologically then adopt. Adoption continued to weigh heavy on our hearts.

Fast forward to 2017. We had decided we were in a place in life where we could bring in a child. We were financially stable, we bought a house, Sterling had graduated from seminary, and we were both in jobs we prayed for. We started to try to conceive. After a handful of months, we were put on a fertility drug. We decided and felt a peace that if it came down to the point to involve a fertility specialist, God was calling us to seek growing our family through the adoption route before the biological one.

While this is all happening, God started to put foster care on our hearts. It was something that was clear to both of us, and we knew when we were going to grow our family through other methods, it was going to be through the foster care system.

In January of 2018, we spoke to some individuals involved in various capacities in the foster care system and decided to work through a faith-based agency. We have felt a great peace throughout our hours and hours of training and paperwork (goodness gracious the paperwork!). Even though some deep and difficult things are discussed, we knew that this was where we were supposed to be.

If you have ever been close to someone going through the process, you know it's a long one. Sterling and I completed a little over 30 hours of training, mountains of paperwork, doctors visits, fire inspections, and the home study. In May, we were told that we had been officially licensed for foster care and adoption.

We can't wait to love on the children that come through our home. Whether it's for a season or for forever, we are so excited to see what the Lord has in store for our family! I'll try to keep the blog updated with this journey of ours!

A Sweet Gift: Reese's Bundt Cake

So these two cuties {my parents} have an anniversary coming up, and I felt like they needed a little something sweet to celebrate.

So I have been looking at Mix and Match Mama's bundt cake recipes, and I knew the perfect one to make for this special occasion: Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Bundt Cake.

To see the full recipe, you can follow this link. I was also so excited to use my Kitchen Aid that my sweet co-workers got me for our wedding.

You will need the following to make this yummy cake:

1 box of chocolate cake mix

2 small instant chocolate puddings

1/2 cup veggie oil

1 cup water

4 eggs

1 cup Reese's peanut butter chips (see pic above)

2/3 cup butter, softened

6 cups powdered sugar

3-4 tablespoons milk

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup creamy peanut butter

Garnish with Reese's Pieces

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. To make the cake, you will need to mix the cake mix, chocolate pudding mix, vegetable oil, water and  eggs. After that is blended, you can mix in the Reese's chips. 

Put the mixture in your greased bundt cake pan and place in preheated oven. Bake for 40 minutes. Let it stand in the bundt pan for 10 minutes. Then invert the pan so that the cake falls out onto the pan. 

Now it's time to start on the peanut butter frosting. Mix the powdered sugar, milk and butter together with an electric mixer {another chance for me to use my Kitchen Aid mixer} and mix until creamy. Add vanilla and peanut butter to the mixture. I have to confess, I didn't have vanilla so I made it without it, and it still tastes lovely! 

Once your cake is cool, you can frost your bundt cake and garnish it with Reese's Pieces. I can't wait to serve it for my parent's anniversary! 

 

Five Tips for Your Bridal Portraits

Sorry I have been MIA. After we got engaged in December, I have been going 1000 miles a minute! But, the big day finally came and it was beautiful, wonderful and everything I imagined. Now Sterling is my husband, and I love being his wife!

Lauren Guy Photography

I will be using this blog to post about wedding tips and the adventures of being newleyweds. Sterling and I also have a date blog that we use to post the fun things we do around DFW.

One of the most fun days during engagement was taking my bridal portraits. I am not claiming to know everything about bridal portraits, but I did have a wonderful experience. I hope the same for every bride. Check out my five tips for having beautiful bridal portraits you will cherish.

Hire a good photographer

I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but your photographer can make or break your experience. I was so lucky to have found Lauren Guy Summersett! She shot Sterling and my engagement pictures and our wedding. When Sterling and I were planning our wedding, we knew photography was an important investment, and Lauren was worth it. It is extremely important to have a good rapport with your photographer. The more he or she understands you, the more they can deliver what you have dreamed of.

Beyond getting along with your photographer, make sure he or she understands your style. After looking at Lauren’s portfolio and blog, I knew she would capture the moments the way I wanted to remember them. She also understood Southern feel I was trying to accomplish.

         Pick a venue that fits you

I love all things southern and feminine. I love little white churches and big southern homes with columns. Once I knew the look I wanted for my portraits I started researching on Pinterest for Dallas Bridal Portraits, so I could see pictures of locations with other brides. Lauren was also a huge help in this search. I think she actually was the one who suggested my pick, Dallas Heritage Village.

I loved that this location had the look of many locations in one spot. They had a little white church, a big southern home, beautiful crate myrtles and cute old staircases and pews. It was perfect.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Venue Tips:

·         Make sure you make contact with your venue before your bridal portrait date. I couldn’t have just walked into my venue or many of the others I looked at and just started taking pictures. Many places have guidelines and small fees.

·         Be prepared to spend a little money on reserving the venue for portraits. I also went there before Dallas Heritage Village opened, so there were not visitors just hanging out in my pictures.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

     Think about season and time of day

I took my bridal portraits in July. In Texas. Outside. Many people would say that's silly, because that is exactly what my mother said when I told her. To avoid the typical Texas summer heat, I took my pictures from 7 to 9 that morning. Just as it was getting hot, we were done. I will say I had to get up at 4 am for hair and makeup, but it was so worth it.

If you followed tip 1 and hired a good photographer, they will help you determine the best time of day for the season you are in.

        Plan for the day

Here are some helpful tips to make sure your bridal portraits go as smoothly as possible:

·         Get your dress and veil steamed the week of your portraits. You don’t want a wrinkly dress and veil for these once in a lifetime photos.

·         Treat yourself to a mani and pedi. This may seem self-explanatory, but it is so easy to forget in the craziness of the week leading up to your portraits.

·         Bring a cheap white sheet to your portraits. You can lay this under your dress so you don’t have to get it cleaned between your portraits and the wedding. I got mine at Wal-Mart for $3.

·         Don’t bring an entourage but a support duo. Originally, my bridal portraits were going to include just my mom and my photographer, but then my dad wanted to come. What a huge help it was to have both of them there! One was able to help Lauren adjust the white sheet and the other could hold my bouquet while I held up my dress. I think they thought they were going to get to sit in lawn chairs while I had my pictures taken (not so, Bill and Susan J) Don’t go overboard and bring 12 of your closest friends. It was special just having my parents there and everyone could see me in my dress on my wedding day.

·         Get a contact number. If someone is your point of contact for the day of the portraits, get the number they can be reached on. You don’t want to show up at the venue and start yelling out the name of the contact (because that might have happened…)

      Use this day as a trial run

This is the perfect opportunity to have a trial run for your wedding day. Use your hair and makeup professional for your portraits. You can see how it will look for your wedding day with the dress. You will also learn how well your hair and makeup will stay or if you need a tad more hairspray.

Wear your wedding shoes, accessories and veil for the portraits. This is an excellent chance to break in your shoes. (Unless you have really fancy shoes and you are taking pictures in a field. I had hard ground to walk on so it was in my best interest to wear my wedding heels.) I did learn that my belt had a tendency to catch on the lace on my dress, so I needed to be careful on the day.

Many florists will do a trial run bouquet for your portraits, so you can see how they will look. This is another opportunity you don’t want to pass up.

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography

Lauren Guy Photography 

Each bride is different, and your bridal portraits are a testament to your style. This day is your chance to be a bride before the big day, so don’t forget to HAVE FUN! I couldn’t have asked for a more fun morning with my parents and Lauren. To see more of my bridal portraits, check out Lauren’s blog. 

Lauren Guy Photography

Saying Yes to the Man of my Dreams

It has been almost a week since I said yes to the man I will call my husband in August. You heard me right...I am ENGAGED! I must say that since I was a little girl I imagined how my husband-to-be would propose. I would dream about the time of year, what I would be wearing, how he would plan the most beautiful question I have ever heard.

I couldn't have dreamed of a better proposal than what Sterling had planned.

On Sunday, December 22, Sterling told me that he would be taking me on a fun date for my Christmas present. We have a bucket list of dates we want to go on, and I took him horseback riding for his Christmas present. Now it was his turn to surprise me. He told me to dress nice. In all honesty, I thought we were going to see The Nutcracker.

The night started at dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Nicola's. He told me that later that night he had rented a limo to take us to go look at Christmas lights. I was so excited, and I still had no clue. We had talked about a possible engagement in January. Little did I know what was coming next.

Because of the busy time of year, "our limo ride" wasn't scheduled until 9 that night {or so I was told} so we had to kill time. We decided to go get dessert at Cedar's Woodfire Grill, one of our favorite restaurants. This restaurant is where we also reconnected after college. We sat at the same table we did many months ago, and Sterling made me rush through my dessert {I still had no clue}.

Many times at the end of our dates, Sterling and I found ourselves in the Prestonwood chapel talking about what God was teaching us. So after dessert, Sterling suggested we head over to the chapel to talk about our quiet times. I was up for this plan, and we headed out to the church. As we neared the chapel, I noticed two people sitting in there, and I told Sterling we couldn't go in.

He insisted we continue to walk into the chapel, and after a closer look I realized that they were two of my best friends - one from Baylor and one from post grad. This is when I realized what was happening. Sterling had only told me two things about my proposal. One, there would be candles {my request}. Two, the proposal would involve a journey.

My friend from Baylor, Rebekah, took me up to the first stool, had me read a letter Sterling had written me, and then she prayed over me. My friend, Meg, then took me to the second stool, had me read another letter written by Sterling and prayed over me.

Sterling then walked back up to the stage and walked me down the stairs where we sat as he told me what I meant to him, what our marriage would look like and then he prayed over us. I remember making myself listen to exactly every word he said, because I wanted to remember that moment forever. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. In the midst of all my tears, I said yes and became the future Mrs. Sterling Shanks. {I really like writing that}

He had an after party with some of our family and friends waiting for us after the engagement. I can't imagine a more perfect way to begin our journey than with some of the people that mean the most to us. I will continue to blog about my journey as a bride and a future wife to Sterling. What an incredible gift I have been given. This truly is one of my most blissful entries.

When You Need a Fashion Fix

As a lover of all things fashionable and stylish, I have always envied those who can afford to have personal stylists. I don't know about you, but as a 20-something living in DFW, I don't have an opening in my budget for "Personal Stylist." But the other day, I learned about a service that brings a personal stylist to your doorstep!

My personal stylist comes from Stitch Fix. This service provides a stylist who picks out clothes and ships them to you based on your personal style profile. When I heard about the style profile, I thought the questions would just be about my favorite color or if I liked A-line or pencil skirts. But this style profile was incredibly in-depth, asking me questions from how often I wear work clothes to how I like specific articles of clothing to fit. My favorite part of the style profile was the section where you can add a link to your fashion Pinterest board and your Twitter account, so your stylist could learn even more about you.

Now you are probably wondering how much it costs. Get this...it only costs $20 for Stitch Fix to send you a box of 5 items! When you fill out your profile, you decide how much you want to spend per item, and I have found that mine average around $50 an item. But the $20 you spent to send your box is $20 that can go to your purchase. If you buy all the items, you get a certain percentage off. If you want to send some items back, you can put them in the postal bag provided and drop it off at a post office drop off location 3 days after you receive your package.

My favorite aspect of the service is the referral program. For every person you refer, you receive a $25 credit to your account when her first fix ships. So basically when you get friends on board, you get free clothes! {yes, you heard me right}

I got a fix in today, and you have to see some of the adorable things I got!

Let's face it, what is fall/winter without an Aztec cardigan? 

This dress is perfect with some tights and boots in the winter or wedges in the summer!

A good skinny jean is a staple in any closet.

After I get my fix, I log on to my account and give my stylist feedback on each item so my fix can be even better next time.

I have loved using this service, because who doesn't love a big box of clothes picked out just for you sitting on your doorstep? Crazy people, that's who! I like to think of it as a present to myself :)

If you are interested in getting your Stitch Fix, check it out! If you have already used Stitch Fix, what are your thoughts?